Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
