Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
