he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
