he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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