We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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