At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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