I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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