WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
