i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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