i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
