what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
