The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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