I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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