I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
