I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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