Soap is not a condiment
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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