I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
