she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
