sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
