Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
