she was so not down for the gang bang
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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