my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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