I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
