Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
