I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I believe in your delicious
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