at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
