I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize