3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Found your dick twin last night
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
