i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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