He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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