You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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