I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
