my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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