Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
