I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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