just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
In America we eat man semen.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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