It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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