well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
