All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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