dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
