hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
