he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
