I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
