Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
