I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
did i walk over a car last night?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
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she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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