I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize