Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
