I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
