Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
