there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
