Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
