You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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