Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
