I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
