He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
