I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
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When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
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I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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