Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
